Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
