That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
