In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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