his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
