All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
