Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
