Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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