I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
