So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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