Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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