Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
