Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
