My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We have so much sex to catch up on
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
