I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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