so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
