Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
