Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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