Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
