I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
