Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
