I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
