So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
