I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
