so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
