Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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