hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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