Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
