Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
