For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i think im in europe. pls send help
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
