They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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