I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
