jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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