Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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