What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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