I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
