VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
