sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
