I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think my moral compass just broke
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
