Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
