We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm eating all of the evidence.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
