The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
