speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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