Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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