you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
