lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
