question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
