I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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