he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
