So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
