Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
